Tremendous Husband Awards

If today were a Red Carpet event, I would dub it the Tremendous Husband Awards. I would dress up in a beautiful, long, flowing gown and my hubby would wear his camo shorts (commando style, I'm sure) and a hoodie (afterall, it IS his day, he should get to be comfortable, no?). Together we would strut down that red carpet with all the confidence in the world that he would take home the plaque (afterall, I did nominate him repeatedly today).
What did my man do to deserve these nominations? First, he got up and, upon realizing that I had a headache, he made me breakfast.... IN BED. (Dippy eggs, just the way I like them, with buttered toast and orange juice.) Second, he cleaned the kitchen. I'm not even kidding. He loaded the dishwasher (he even rinsed the dishes off before loading!), wiped down the counters, scrubbed the skillet, and hand-washed what would not fit in the dishwasher. If you like that, you're gonna love this... then he SWEPT the floors, even moving the couch to collect the dog hair balls that were floating about AND fixed the sofa cover!! (Please note that the nominations are just adding up at this point.) Then we get to church (which was freezing cold) and he sat with his arm around me trying to keep me warm, even though I know this is uncomfortable in those pews and he gets a kink in his back pretty quickly. After this, he procedes to be sweet at pie to me all morning (and evening), kissing my hand, complimenting me, asking me if I want HIM to cook dinner..... he even worked down in the basement WITHOUT getting upset and yelling at anything! I don't want to praise him too much and jinx this amazing day, but I have to say it... The Tremendous Husband Award goes to.... (drum roll....) .... PATRICK COSTA!! (I love you, Bubba!)

Sexy Barney

Whereas the purplish hair remains, it has somewhat faded to a darker auburn. However, because my hair was so long when I dyed it, it didn't dye evenly, so there are shades of the original light brown and blonde highlights that show through, making me look slightly more punk than I intended. So today, I'd had it. I was sick of long hair. My hubby likes long hair, but really, it's just a pain in the buttocks and I decided that my happiness is truly more important than his :) So I got it chopped! Approximately 6 inches fell to my feet at the salon as Lori chopped and layered and blew dry my Barney locks. In fact, Lori actually liked my coloring job! (I always knew I liked that woman.) My husband anxiously awaited my arrival (aka texted me every ten minutes to see when I would be home). As I emerged from the car, my hubby grinned, gave me a kiss, and asked me if we could "sleep in the same bed tonight". Apparently my Barney-do is super sexy in my man's eyes and we can both enjoy happiness afterall.

Conspiracy Theory

Well, I didn't even know that this was possible, and frankly, I'm impressed that my dog was able to develop the one bowel issue that I myself don't possess, but unfortunately, Molly has Colitis (aka, permanent-poopy-butt). Now, I know that humans can get this disease and it can be rather painful and it involves bleeding from the intestines and rectum, dehydration, and random crapping about (I'm realizing I should have put a disclaimer at the beginning of this post for those that have weak stomachs). But I had no idea that dogs could get this, as well. It appears to develop mostly in dogs that have anxiety problems (so the fact that Molly is terrified of brooms, mops, fake flowers, bras, furry coats, spatulas, new people(etc, etc, etc) leads me to believe that her puppy stress has turned into the proverbial pain in the butt!).
The strange part in all of this is not the medicine, special food, or constant clean-up.... it's the fact that the vet asked us to collect a urine sample from Molly. Ok, seriously? How in the HECK does one go about getting a dog to pee in a cup?!? We followed her around the yard for an hour in the cold (holding our mini tupperware), Molly nervously scampering away from us as she eyed the mysterious object. Have you ever seen how close a dog squats to the ground? Because I assure you, there is no cup in the world that is small enough to fit between her pee hole and the ground. But obviously a vet would know this, and yet she still asked for this impossible feat to be accomplished. Therefore, I now believe that the veterinarian is actually bugging our house and yard with hidden cameras, waiting to see how us idiots will go about collecting this urine. Oh, but I'm on to her schemes. I WILL conquer this task. (Suggestions are always welcome.....)

Seperate Bedrooms

After just shy of the 3 month mark, my husband and I have discovered the joy of seperate bedrooms. As fond as I have become of his nightly moans, gas, and snoring, it was a welcome change when my man realized that the large bags under my eyes were not my attempts at the latest makeup trend, but really signs of utter exhaustion from lack of sleep. Therefore, he suggested he sleep in the spare bedroom last night. And wonders of wonders, this little wifey slept like a baby on a cloud made of lavender squishyness and melatonin-like cotton balls. I put in a movie of choice, turned on the sleep timer, and swept myself away into the center of the king-sized bed, down comforter snuggled up to my ears, dehumidifier humming, and the ocean noises playing on my alarm clock. No one got up to pee at night (hitting the bed and jostling it into the wall on their way back to bed), no one smacked me in the face with the weight of a dead arm, and no one breathed heavily onto my face with breath smelling of sunflower seeds.... but tonight, I will allow him back into our marital bed. Afterall, what good is being married if you can't reach over and touch someone at night (but the night after is fair game).

Always Somethin'

Life can be funny sometimes. And by funny, I mean rude, inconsiderate, up and down, and just plain awful. (Life sounds alot like PMS.) About a month ago, my car decided that it needed a new battery. Apparently the old one just wasn't cutting it anymore. So the lovely people at the store put in a new battery... and for free, they threw in a broken radiator hose as they jostled the battery into place. Since that fateful day, I've apparently been leaking anti-freeze all over our driveway, which my pig-dog smelled and thought, "DESSERT!", leading to the 10 days of diarrhea and bloody stool we had to take her to the vet for last week.
Anyways, my car has been in the shop for going on 3 days, and I borrowed my mother-in-laws car the first day, but today, today I got the honor of driving my husbands truck. The entire way to work I noticed that his brakes go all the way to the floor before STARTING to stop. I mentioned this to him. His response is, "Well, they worked yesterday." (Said with slight attitude.) Me, having no idea what that has to do with anything, respond that it does me very little good that the brakes worked yesterday, since today they do not work. His response? "Oh, ok, well I guess I made it up that they were working yesterday!" (ok, WHAT??)
So as I drive home, the truck is shaking everytime I use the brakes and I have several near rear-ending incidents, which I procede to tell my husband, who slams the door in an angry moment. (Again, I'm really not sure why this is all happening.) I ask him to not slam the door so my door wreath doesn't fall. His response? "Oh, that's right. I ALWAYS slam the door!" (Oh my gosh, seriously? Is this really happening???) So not only does my life have PMS, so does my husband! Maybe if I start walking to work now, I can make it by my appointment at 10am, but I'm sure that would be something to yell at as well.

Weekend Happenings

My hubby and I had a lovely weekend together. Friday night we enjoyed each other's company by watching a depressing movie (just because something has 4 stars doesn't mean it's a feel-good movie of the year!). Then, on Saturday, we had a date night and went out for a wonderful dinner (I got to have pumpkin ravioli again and it was delicious!). Unfortunately, due to having been eating so healthy lately, the heavy meal made us both unhappy in our tummy's and one of us (not me) left the bathroom in a fairly sinful state and then proceded to sin all night long under the covers. But we laughed and joked and then fell asleep to a movie (a much funnier pick this time). And today, after church, I made a huge dinner for us and his family (all very healthy and low fat), and then they praised me repeatedly. I beamed (humbly, of course) and enjoyed the compliments. This was my practice for Thanksgiving dinner, which I'm going to do as low fat as possible (but still tasty.... I hope) with the use of new herbs to increase taste. And now, to finish this weekend, we're going to attempt some couch time together and try to stay awake past 9pm and prove that we are NOT 60 years old.

She's Been Violated!

I like the thrill of getting scared. I enjoy scary movies, intense scenes where you're just waiting for someone to jump out and then BAM!!! It's fun to tell ghost stories around a fire and to play pranks on people to freak them out. But this week I saw something that was so scary I can barely talk about it.
It began at night, close to dawn but still dark outside. The house was quiet with just the faint muffle of puppy snores. The dim glow from the hallway nightlight was all that lit the bedroom when I got up to get a drink of water. As my eyes began to adjust, I looked across the bed and saw it.... my husband.... naked as a jay bird.... hairy as a beast.... SPOONING MY DOG!!!!!!!!!!!
My poor, helpless Molly, layed there completely unaware of this obvious violation, snoring softly and enjoying this extra-special cuddle, while my husband layed there, inhibitions apparently aside, leg over top of her, nuzzling her neck with his face.
I'm struggling with nightmares now, food has lost his taste, and I rock in a corner whenever my dog comes near me. I just don't know how to move on from this.....

Blah Blah-Blah Blah-Blah.....

I think I know how men feel. For a brief moment in my day, I think I finally had a glimpse into the mindset of a man (no, I wasn't thinking about boobs or football). So there I was, in the kitchen, reading labels and trying to make a nice, healthy snack, when my husband comes into the room and begins rambling (and wow, do I mean rambling) about something (and that's a fact, I honestly cannot remember what he was talking about!) and I found myself getting so irritated that I actually had to tune him out for most of his chitter chatter! It was like he was a 6 year old girl and she just discovered how cool she thinks Barbies are or something and she wants to tell you EVERY DETAIL. Finally, because I couldn't tune him out any longer, I simply said "Please stop talking, you're annoying me." ha, the look of utter amazement on his face was beyond priceless!
He reminded me that this is what he has to deal with day in and day out, living in a world of women...
Oh my gosh, it just happened again! He came in and totally distracted me to the point of losing my train of thought! Is he on estrogen or something?? Will this continue? Am I going to feel like a man from now on?
Anyways, he has been laughing at me ever since because he thinks this is funny that he finally "wants to talk about his feelings" and I just want him to go away. If only he knew that I love him more when he is silent....

First Day On A New Diet

After learning that I will finally be able to get allergy testing (thank you, JESUS!!!!!), I got very motivated to be healthier. I can't make it to the gym regularly anymore due to my job schedule, so I have to improvise. Yoga and Pilates during the week, gym when I can, healthy eating DAILY. My man uses his smart phone (my phone is apparently stupid?) to calculate his calories for the day using the FatSecret application. Well, it turns out you can use them for free online as well, so we decided to start logging in everything we eat, beginning with today. So if anyone wants to join, we can motivate each other on their website and do this together! I've got 18 unwanted pounds to shed, and it's good to know that I have my man helping me:) We did our protein shakes, TONS of vegetables today (thank you, Katie;), salad, and lean protein. And Pat actually LIKED the food a lot! So I think we can do this if we really try. And one day, when I can breathe through my nose again, I will feel even more wonderful!

PS, this is NOT an advertisement for a smart phone or an application.... I secretly think smart phones are a semi-retarded craze that makes people overly dependent on one piece of technology and unable to make it through the day without rushing to it every few seconds.... that being said, I want one.

Telephones...A Blessing Or A Curse?

I find that everyone with my phone number seems to have impecable timing when it comes to calling me. My husband is first on this list. If I were a gambling woman, I would bet a large amount of money on the fact that my phone will ring, more than likely from my man, the very moment that I put my hands into the soapy dishwater, I step into the shower, sit down to do my daily "business", get on an important phone call, have my hands full with groceries, or just begin a favorite tv show. And if I do not answer, it's not like he goes away.... I know that my phone will ring at least once a minute until I pick up, and naturally there will be a few text messages in between. It's not that my husband stalks me, because I just seem to have this luck with mostly everyone who calls me regularly.
Now, lets transfer this luck to the fact that I'm on-call at my job for the next WEEK. This is a 24/7 on-call system, so the moment my head hits the pillow.... ring ring? Luckily my boss is keeping her phone on to help me through any crisis calls for the first couple times I'm up for this swell position, but lets just hope that my husband's impecable timing does NOT transfer over to my work phone! (And just for kicks, I think I'm going to start calling him everytime he sits down to read his book.... hehe :))

Barney

Well last week DID end, and the weekend brought fun times with friends from home, including making carmel apples, a bon fire, movies, and an awesome dinner at Shakespeares. And my man surprised me by doing such a nice job of cooking us breakfast (with sliced fruit to boot!) and cleaning up after himself and others the entire weekend. He even rubbed my shoulders last night, so I honestly feel capable of starting this week. I get to experience my first week being on-call, so we'll see how that goes, especially since my allergic reactions have continued and I'm being heavily sedated with benedryll at night. Let's pray that no one calls past 9pm!
On a less than happy note, I decided to take the plunge and go red....with my hair. I picked out a beautfiful light auburn shade (as to avoid all those mishaps that have occurred before with red hair coloring). Why the past wasn't my predictor of the future, I'll never know, but once again, I have purple-ish hair. Did it lighten and turn red? Not a chance! It darkened (almost black) and has a purple glow in most lighting. Pat keeps singing "I love you, you love me...".... I can't even lash out at him because hey, I DO look like Barney!

Will This Week EVER End?

This has been one of the busiest and most stressful weeks I've had in a while. Long days, lots of crisis at work, and trainings out the wazoo. My partner at works father passed away, which was simply gut-wrenching, especially because she found out about it at work during a meeting. I felt utterly helpless, having only known her for a short time, but completely heartbroken for her. It also reminded me of last year when my own dad had a heart scare and I found out during work. So lots of emotions have been stirred up, needless to say.
On top of that roller coaster is the fact that I had to do all of our back-to-back appointments today by myself. And wouldn't ya know it, my second appointment goes up in flames when I find out he brought 2 knives to school yesterday, tried to slice his mom's tires, and then when he punched his mom during our meeting when she tried to get the RAZOR BLADE FROM HIS HANDS!! So yeah, we restrained him, retrieved the razor, and then he ran away for a while... I'm a GREAT therapist. I also had 3 cancellations...AFTER I drove all the way there for the appointments. And yet, even with the cancelled meetings, I still managed to work an 11 hour shift, only to have to be back in tomorrow at 8 for a 12 hour shift.
Ok. I'm done complaining. My family is alive, I didn't get cut with a razor, and the cigarette smoke will eventually wash out of my hair. Life could definately be worse!

Train, Train, Go Away

I think I have finally found the trick to blocking out the trains! (well, at least every other night, and usually only once a night do I hear the train, as opposed to the multiple awakenings from last month.) If we keep the window above our head closed (easier now that it's getting chillier in the evenings) and we turn on our humidifier (which sometimes makes a repetitious sound that makes me have to shut it off... hence hearing the trains on those nights) AND if we turn on Pat's alarm clock that makes ocean noices (waves, wind, sea gulls... although I have to keep it at just the right volume to sufficiently block out the annoying birds but still be able to hear the waves crashing), then.... THEN I can get some sleep..... half the time.
Piece of cake!

Good Wifey

I must admit, I was an excellent wife today. Afterall, my hubby did deserve it. He finished putting the hallway floor in for me and didn't even leave me a mess for when I got home (all the dishes he used were even put in the dishwasher!!!). So I rewarded HIM with a romantic rendevoux for 2 (complete with candles and everything.... but they made the room stifling hot and we almost suffocated.... he also took 2 phone calls, but hey, if that's how he wants to spend his reward time, that's his choice!). Then, on top of the romantic encounter, I gave him full control of the television (even if it WAS to watch yesterday's Steelers game)... he even offered to turn on House, but I told him that it was his night. I was very impressed with our give and take today. Job well done, Costas. Good game :)

Two Months or Too Much?

haha, ok, that title has nothing to do with today's blog, but Pat was commenting on our time together and asked how long we've been married. I said "two months.... or too much, however you wanna look at it ;)". Needless to say, he thought that was a great blog title, so I used it, just for him:)
We had a great weekend of working, movie watching, Halloween fun, and a fun 6-year-old's party! I got to spend time with my Mexican for the 2nd year in a row, and he enjoyed my disco attire (actually, I think he just liked the fishnet stockings, but oh well:). So, not to completely embarrass myself (but it hardly seems fair to only embarras him day after day), but we had a great time last night with the party and good conversations there and back.... so I decided, sure, let's allow the fun to continue (if you catch my drift). The only problem was that the combinations of foods I'd had throughout the day didn't lend itself nicely to my tummy... (can you see where I'm going with this???) Just as he's nearing me with that "happy boy" glint in his eye, I gave him a quick warning (but not quick enough) and just ripped one right on him. We're talking baby diaper quality gas. It's not like I did it on purpose, but the man acted like I had just shot his dog and then spit on his mother! He got all sulky, shut off the lights, and refused to get back "in the mood", despite my many apologies (ok, so I was laughing a little bit too, which may have made my apologies seem a bit disengenious...). This morning, however, I was plagued from 3:30 until about noon with a case of the runnies. THIS caused him to realize that I really wasn't just being a jerk and farting on him for no good reason, and yes, my stomach was truly upset. He has decided to forgive me, but promises to never let me live it down. So I'm beating him to the punch and telling everyone myself. My name is Shivonne Costa, and I am a Bed Farter.

Call A Doctor!

I came home today and found my husband very sick today. The poor man looked healthy enough, but on closer examination of the house, I realized that only a very sick person would dare to leave the house in the state that it was after his wife had been away at work for 10 hours. I didn't detect any couging, sneezing, or bleeding sores, but I'm pretty sure my husband is suffering from a case of the I-don't-see-it-therefore-it-doesn't-need-to-be-picked-up-itis. (Some people have referred to it in layman's terms: lazy.)
I love my guy. I really do. But I'm wondering if his illness is causing him to have a lapse in memory of his love for me.... or the fact that I thoroughly cleaned the house last night before going to bed (despite the hives, exhaustion, and allergies I'm dealing with) so that today when I got home from my long day, everything would be nice. In his defense, I suppose that there are truly some people out there that do NOT know how to operate the modern-day dishwasher. I bet in some cultures, it's considered a compliment to leave dirty dishes in the sink, or to walk past trash that has been strategically placed by the door (for days on end), or even to leave bread crumbs and coffee grinds as a trail to find your way from room to room. But in this case, I really do have to take into consideration his ill-health. Because only someone with a severe diagnosis would allow rice to harden into a pot on the stove for hours, despite being reminded to put it away. I better call a doctor fast, because if this doesn't clear up quickly, I'm afraid my husband may die.

Family Basted

I work as a Family Based Therapist in New Castle as my new line of employment. What I find truly amusing is the fact that my fingers REALLY have a hard time typing the word "based" while I'm typing up my notes after sessions. Despite knowing this, I consistently have been typing "basted" into my notes instead. When I proof-read my logs before hitting submit, I giggle each time I forgot to catch my mistake, because it sounds like I'm prepping my clients and their families for Thanksgiving dinner. I've decided that some of my clients (and their families) could probably use a good basting with soap and water, nevertheless, it shouldn't be in my professional notes.
The other option is to simply type FB for Family Based.... but all I can think about with that is Facebook, which really shows that I'm tremendously pitiful in my preoccupation with facebook if simple initials are bringing it to mind so quickly. Eventually the new job title will win over facebook, but until then, I'll just have to continue to baste my clients and type my work notes into facebook.

What a Stinking, Awful, No Good, Crap-Filled Day

Well I'm going to count the fact that this blog didn't post the last 2 that I wrote as being totally how the rest of this day has gone.... So if you've missed me for the last few days, it's not my fault. I blame blog-world or whatever this thing is called!
Today was ridiculous right from the get go. Tell me, have you ever started your day cleaning up 8 piles of diarreah from brand new carpeting? Then, in the same day, did you have one of your dogs (I know which one) chew up an ink pen on your ONLY OTHER large area rug, completely ruining it? AND did you work a 10 hours shift, naturally being late due to the before mentioned dog poo? Oh, it's also super improtant to mention that while running 15 minutes late (causing problems at work since I had our work van key....) cleaning up dog crap, I got it all over my clothes too? Plus, this is AFTER I barely slept last night, due to being able to smell said crap throughout the house? Then, my husband has the nerve to get mad at ME for not wanting to clean up the mess with our shop vac. Really. He actually yelled at me because I didn't want to get bacteria and turds all through my vacuum!! I was also double flipped off today by a man refusing to go over 30mph in a 45 zone (one hand out of the sun roof, the other flipping me off out of the driver side window... how he did this without crashing was so impressive that I honked at him to show my level of awe), I was stuck behind 2 busses, 2 semi's, a man that was approximately 467 years old, and a bull dozer going less than 5 mph.... all that leading up to the construction that I hit once I entered town. And wouldn't you know it, my entire body broke out in severe hives; we're talking the ones that look like I'm a red head covered in freckles. They're on my scalp too, making it insanely hard to put hydrocortizone cream on them. So I took a bucket of benedryll and feel like I'm looking at things with beer goggles on, including this computer screen.
Did I mention my email account got a virus it's sending out, too? I quit tody. Period.

Everyone Needs a Date Night

Last night we decided to go out. We had worked hard Friday and Saturday, so we thought, hey, let's use a gift certificate and go to the Log Cabin. Unfortunately, Saturday night at 7:30 (ON SWEETEST DAY) is not the time to randomly choose to have date night. Ugh. Well, we were left hungry and wanting to try something new (aka me wanting to try something new, Pat wanting to try the same Mexican restaurant we ALWAYS eat at, ordering the same meal he ALWAYS orders). So we compromised and chose something I wanted. The food was good, a bit overpriced, and we were seated next to a horrendously chubby family with less than satisfactory hygiene (as they ate their 11 course meal). However, we still had a nice time laughing and talking (even if there WAS still paint in my hair).

Then we watched Star Trek.... not the awful show, the new movie, which was actually very good, despite the fact that it's totally NOT a date night movie. But once again, it was a compromise... until our neighbor came over and hung out with us during our date. It's a good thing I don't have high standards for Sweetest Day. Overall, the date was a success:)

It's Finally Here!

This is it. Tomorrow is the big day! Tomorrow I get to say goodbye to the furry friends and creepy crawly ickies that reside in our basement. Tomorrow I won't have to strip down in the cold, dank cellar, using the same razor for the 9th week in a row (I honestly haven't been able to find the new pack I bought just before the wedding), and try to shave in a dark corner. Tomorrow I won't have to wear SHOWER SHOES!!! Do you want to know why? Of course you do or else you wouldn't be reading this crazy blog of mine. Tomorrow, folks, is the day that I get to shower in an actual tub!!! It is in, the sealant should be dry, and it (will be) clean! Let the heavens rejoice and the woman shout with glee.

(Now, who would like to take bets that I go to get into the tub tomorrow and there's a huge, nasty spider in the tub? Any takers?)