I have decided that kids are gross. I'm not sure if other mothers have come to this conclusion about their kids as well, but mine actually triggered my gag reflex (twice) today. This morning, Cameron had an issue with hitting (again), so after a firm talking to (him being utterly yelled at for the regularly repeated offense) he was mopey and sent for a nap. Well, the nap was not going to happen apparently.... but alas, he emerged an hour later a much happier little boy. He came into my room holding something behind his back, telling me that he had a surprise for me. Awwww, apparently my horrific tantrum towards him didn't damage him that badly, yay!
"Hold out your arm," he said with a toothless grin. I put my arm out in front of me as my child began to secure a bracelet made of thin rope, beads, and lego tires to my wrist. But something was very wrong....
"Cameron.... why is the bracelet dripping wet?"
"Well, I had to wet the rope to get the beads on," he answered.
Now, I know that he hadn't come out of his room to use the sink, as my room is directly across from the bathroom....so I know that this cold, damp, stickiness is one of two things.
"Um, exactly what did you wet it with, Cam?" (Cringing as I awaited the answer.)
"I just put it in my mouth to make the rope soft," he said proudly.
Gag reflex #1.... because ordinarily, spit grosses me out. But CAMERON'S spit smells like week-old, raw sewage that's crawling with maggots and beginning to decay in the middle of July. I tried my hardest to think about other things as he spent the next 10 minutes working on making the bunny ears to get this stinky shackle tied onto my wrist. I thanked and hugged him for my gift and waited as long as I could for him to tell me a story that seemed to take an hour to finish..... but I could wait no longer. I told him I had to use the bathroom, and as I shut the door behind me, I began to scrub my arm with sudsy water as quickly and thoroughly as I could, dry-heaving into the sink. I COULDN'T get the smell out.... so I added febreeze, which helped a little, but not enough. However, he was so happy that he made me jewelry, I just couldn't take it off. So for the rest of the evening, anytime I put my hand near my face I felt queasy all over again.
Gag reflex #2 was set off by my daughter in the car on the way home this evening. We were all minding our own business, having a lovely time, when we caught a sudden whiff of skunk which seemed to be coming from INSIDE the vehicle. We actually had to roll all of the windows down as we sped along down the freeway. With eyes burning and shirts over our noses, my husband tried to hold back his laughter as he demanded to know who the repulsive culprit was. I turned around as Taylor answered, "It wasn't me!" while her index finger was about 6 inches up her nose. But I could see the traces of a smirk and I knew that a smell like that could only mean one of two things.... either she has a skunk down her pants, or we have the grossest children ever in our family. (It was the latter.)
"Hold out your arm," he said with a toothless grin. I put my arm out in front of me as my child began to secure a bracelet made of thin rope, beads, and lego tires to my wrist. But something was very wrong....
"Cameron.... why is the bracelet dripping wet?"
"Well, I had to wet the rope to get the beads on," he answered.
Now, I know that he hadn't come out of his room to use the sink, as my room is directly across from the bathroom....so I know that this cold, damp, stickiness is one of two things.
"Um, exactly what did you wet it with, Cam?" (Cringing as I awaited the answer.)
"I just put it in my mouth to make the rope soft," he said proudly.
Gag reflex #1.... because ordinarily, spit grosses me out. But CAMERON'S spit smells like week-old, raw sewage that's crawling with maggots and beginning to decay in the middle of July. I tried my hardest to think about other things as he spent the next 10 minutes working on making the bunny ears to get this stinky shackle tied onto my wrist. I thanked and hugged him for my gift and waited as long as I could for him to tell me a story that seemed to take an hour to finish..... but I could wait no longer. I told him I had to use the bathroom, and as I shut the door behind me, I began to scrub my arm with sudsy water as quickly and thoroughly as I could, dry-heaving into the sink. I COULDN'T get the smell out.... so I added febreeze, which helped a little, but not enough. However, he was so happy that he made me jewelry, I just couldn't take it off. So for the rest of the evening, anytime I put my hand near my face I felt queasy all over again.
Gag reflex #2 was set off by my daughter in the car on the way home this evening. We were all minding our own business, having a lovely time, when we caught a sudden whiff of skunk which seemed to be coming from INSIDE the vehicle. We actually had to roll all of the windows down as we sped along down the freeway. With eyes burning and shirts over our noses, my husband tried to hold back his laughter as he demanded to know who the repulsive culprit was. I turned around as Taylor answered, "It wasn't me!" while her index finger was about 6 inches up her nose. But I could see the traces of a smirk and I knew that a smell like that could only mean one of two things.... either she has a skunk down her pants, or we have the grossest children ever in our family. (It was the latter.)