Have you ever met one of those parents that thinks their child is sooo adorable no matter what that child is doing? Little Johnny could be bobbing for apples in the toilet and his mother would say, "Oh, Johnny is such a creative child! And he just loves the water... he'll probably be a snorkler when he gets older." And as sister Suzie is found punching little Johnny in his teeth with her ceramic piggy bank, this mother says, "Suzie and Johnny just looove to rough house. It really helps them bond and get their energy out in a productive way. I bet Suzie is going to be a wrestler someday."
I don't know about you, but I generally wanna tell this mother to stop spiking the Kool Aid, get a clue, and realize her children are holy terrors! However... this being said, I'm starting to sympathize with this woman. She probably knows her children are total nutballs (afterall, she lives with them and we don't see her screaming in the bathroom and pulling her hair out in frustration when she steps on the broken piece of piggy bank left in the middle of the floor). I bet this mother has already lost her mind, and the only way to find a semblance of peace is to look at her children's flaws through rose-colored glasses and just pray to God that a miracle occurs.
So, in honor of this insane mother, I have decided to try her method. Instead of just venting about all the crap my kids did this week, I am going to join hands with my crazy mother friends and choose to put my blinders on and pray for a miracle myself! Here goes nothing....
Cameron peed his bed several days ago... never told anyone, just made his bed and hid his wet clothes... again. Tucking him in tonight, I was knocked on my butt by the smell of stale urine wafting up from his covers. (Enter Insane Mommy.) "Cameron is so inventive... he found a way to make a water bed with absolutely no cost to the family. He's probably going to be an mechanical engineer when he grows up."
Taylor got into my make-up, deodorant, and medicated facial masks three times last week, despite numerous punishments, long talks, and tears (mine). She then chose to lie repeatedly each time, swearing up and down that she didn't do it... all the while my make-up was on her face and there was nail polish dried onto the bathroom floor. (Enter Insane Mommy.) "Taylor has a real knack for beauty... her eye for color and style could take her far in the world. She may even grow up to be an artist... or a Kardashian."
Cameron lost BOTH SETS of keys to our new family car... you know, the keys that are a few hundred dollars to replace? He lost them 4 days ago and we have torn the house apart. We found the spare set (naturally, the cheaper one) and still have yet to find the main set with the automatic starter attached. (Enter Insane Mommy.) "Cameron is such a good hider! I bet the FBI could find some great use for his skills in the future... if I choose to let him live that long (CRAP! I was doing so well....)."
This week, Taylor and Cameron painted in their rooms with NON washable paint, they took bubbles upstairs and blew them all over Taylor's room (leaving a slippery, soapy mess EVERYWHERE), there is a mysterious hole that showed up in Taylor's wall, Cameron pulled out the laminate flooring and then jacked them up trying to put them back, Taylor created a climbing mechanism to get to the top of the medicine cabinet and then proceeded to cover herself in Dora band aids (then lied about it), she locked the bathroom doors from the inside and we couldn't get into the bathroom (leading to Cameron trying to use the missing car keys to open the door), Cameron drenched himself in a mud puddle directly before getting into my car upon being told not to, Cameron stole a drink from subway and then lied to me about it, and let's not forget the weekend prior when the kids called 9-1-1, didn't wear seat belts after being told to, and then Cameron stole from his grandma. (Enter Insane Mommy. I said, Enter Insane Mommy. Hey, Insane Mommy! Where did you go??)
Well it appears that Insane Mommy is looking for her Xanax and a cold compress for her head.... I better go join her, just to make sure she's ok....
I don't know about you, but I generally wanna tell this mother to stop spiking the Kool Aid, get a clue, and realize her children are holy terrors! However... this being said, I'm starting to sympathize with this woman. She probably knows her children are total nutballs (afterall, she lives with them and we don't see her screaming in the bathroom and pulling her hair out in frustration when she steps on the broken piece of piggy bank left in the middle of the floor). I bet this mother has already lost her mind, and the only way to find a semblance of peace is to look at her children's flaws through rose-colored glasses and just pray to God that a miracle occurs.
So, in honor of this insane mother, I have decided to try her method. Instead of just venting about all the crap my kids did this week, I am going to join hands with my crazy mother friends and choose to put my blinders on and pray for a miracle myself! Here goes nothing....
Cameron peed his bed several days ago... never told anyone, just made his bed and hid his wet clothes... again. Tucking him in tonight, I was knocked on my butt by the smell of stale urine wafting up from his covers. (Enter Insane Mommy.) "Cameron is so inventive... he found a way to make a water bed with absolutely no cost to the family. He's probably going to be an mechanical engineer when he grows up."
Taylor got into my make-up, deodorant, and medicated facial masks three times last week, despite numerous punishments, long talks, and tears (mine). She then chose to lie repeatedly each time, swearing up and down that she didn't do it... all the while my make-up was on her face and there was nail polish dried onto the bathroom floor. (Enter Insane Mommy.) "Taylor has a real knack for beauty... her eye for color and style could take her far in the world. She may even grow up to be an artist... or a Kardashian."
Cameron lost BOTH SETS of keys to our new family car... you know, the keys that are a few hundred dollars to replace? He lost them 4 days ago and we have torn the house apart. We found the spare set (naturally, the cheaper one) and still have yet to find the main set with the automatic starter attached. (Enter Insane Mommy.) "Cameron is such a good hider! I bet the FBI could find some great use for his skills in the future... if I choose to let him live that long (CRAP! I was doing so well....)."
This week, Taylor and Cameron painted in their rooms with NON washable paint, they took bubbles upstairs and blew them all over Taylor's room (leaving a slippery, soapy mess EVERYWHERE), there is a mysterious hole that showed up in Taylor's wall, Cameron pulled out the laminate flooring and then jacked them up trying to put them back, Taylor created a climbing mechanism to get to the top of the medicine cabinet and then proceeded to cover herself in Dora band aids (then lied about it), she locked the bathroom doors from the inside and we couldn't get into the bathroom (leading to Cameron trying to use the missing car keys to open the door), Cameron drenched himself in a mud puddle directly before getting into my car upon being told not to, Cameron stole a drink from subway and then lied to me about it, and let's not forget the weekend prior when the kids called 9-1-1, didn't wear seat belts after being told to, and then Cameron stole from his grandma. (Enter Insane Mommy. I said, Enter Insane Mommy. Hey, Insane Mommy! Where did you go??)
Well it appears that Insane Mommy is looking for her Xanax and a cold compress for her head.... I better go join her, just to make sure she's ok....