Earlier today, I posted an article called "8 Things You CAN Say To An Adoptive Mom". The basis of the article focused on how we are living in a society so full of "offending" and "being offended" that we have completely lost the ability to communicate with one another, let alone bear an opinion that differs from that of our neighbor. So we have created a list of Do Nots - things not to say to groups A, B, C, D, and so on. We walk on verbal egg shells in the hopes of being loved by all, never challenging one another to think differently than they currently do.
In my article, I expressed a list of 8 things that I, as an adoptive mother, LOVE to hear from others. There have been times in my life when people have made comments to me about my family situation that sounded ignorant or off-putting... but because I try to look through the eyes of grace, I realize that these people are only trying to connect with me on some level - to talk to me and relate to me in a situation that they have no idea how to relate or connect with at all.
But the are trying.
When people TRY to show love and encouragement, even if it comes out wrong, shouldn't we show love and encouragement in return? Shouldn't we help bridge the gap and help them see our story better? To help them finish the connection that they've tried (and possibly failed) to make with us in the first place? The answer to that question is YES. We choose to love and encourage and support. We choose to give second chances and look through grace-colored glasses at our fellow humans, neighbors, friends, family, and yes, even strangers who write blog posts that we disagree with.
Today, I took my daughter to the doctor and found out that she is physically healthy... but that her RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) symptoms are kicking it up a notch. I was frustrated and defeated upon hearing this news. We've come so far, but some days it still feels like we're only scratching at the surface of it all. Still raw from losing her little brother last month, I'm not surprised this was the doctor's conclusions. I don't have RAD but I, myself, have been going out of my mind with grief. Yet, in this time of mourning and utter depression, I was hoping to step away from posting more "bad news" or focusing only on the negative. So I chose to write a post that would help enhance the positives of adoption.
Only, my post meant to shed some light on not offending or being offended by others.... well, apparently it offended some people. Those that know me or that follow my posts, you know my heart. You know my love for you all. And you know that I would NEVER let my words stand if they've truly hurt another. And that is why I removed the post. I personally know my words were meant with humor and love and encouragement, and many of you shared very positive comments about this. Others shared beautifully worded disagreements that spoke to my soul and blessed me. YES, DISAGREEMENTS CAN BE A BLESSING!
But then there were some that chose to write very horrible things. They took a post about not taking offense, they took offense, and then they personally attacked someone who had written an article from their own perspective. I would never have personally attacked anyone in that way. Never. It hurts my heart to know that our world is so full of offense that we can't even talk in jest or use a play on words to make a point about the human condition.
I did attempt to revise and clarify portions of the earlier post. I offered several apologies for any misinterpretations or confusions, but it did not end some of the verbal lynchings. So I chose to do what was best and removed the post entirely. The only thing that remains is the final paragraph, which I left here below. I have a feeling many didn't make it that far before they had formed some sad opinions of me. Once again, I apologize to anyone that was offended by my previous article. I truly, truly love each of you and pray that we are able to disagree with blessings next time. If you ever have a problem or question, feel free to just email me and ask. I don't bite, and I'd love to clarify or work out any issues we may have in the future - and let's do it with love.
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"I hope that we, as a society, are able to spend far less time worrying about offending everyone, and even less time being offended. There are so many ways to encourage, uplift, validate and LOVE on those around us. And every parent knows that these things are the key to success… or at least survival. So let’s learn to embrace conversational differences and practice encouragement today!"